https://soundcloud.com/scarletdame/dreadful
This one is dedicated to [Gala Aranaga](https://lifeisagala.com/) and foreboding soundscapes. I did my own creative work first today. I'm still lagging in my morning after daylight savings time. It's amazing that getting up at 7:45 feels so late for me now! Hoping to refocus my morning routine earlier next week. I stopped my morning pages after a page this morning, I needed to make music. My brain has been churning with the Outwork. At some point usually long before I stop, the words stop being helpful. Morning pages helps me see this pattern, but it can also enable it. I need the creative practice to move the energy, to connect me to my body and heart.
I've been second guessing splitting [The Outwork Newsletter](https://scarletdame.typeform.com/to/fN4hZUjJ) out into a second publication from my dailies. I recognize that this cycling is Resistance. I just made a major step, now my brain wants to find all the reasons it wasn't the right move. That doesn't mean I can't revisit decisions like this, but for me the way to revisit them is to let the cycling and Resistance energy move through me - through music, through movement, through meditation - and then to make the decision intuitively. The way to move through dread is to sit with it, let it pass through you.
I often use a trick called muscle testing to ask my subconscious and body for its opinion. Make an OK sign with your first finger and thumb on both hands. Now interlink them like a chain. Ask a yes or no question. Start with something a "yes" answer you're sure of. "My name is Scarlet." Try to pull your hands apart. The links will hold. Try another. "I love making music." The links still hold. Try something more vulnerable. "I'm scared of losing my music by focusing on more technical work again." Still strong as a rock. Try something to which you know the answer is no. "I want to file my taxes." The fingers slip right apart. Now ask your question. "I should keep the newsletters separate." Solid yes. "I should keep them under one website instead of splitting them for now." Also yes, that's helpful. "I should post both in my dailies on Akimbo." Yes. Great, much faster than thinking about it all day.